Who am I?

Recently, there have been several songs on Christian radio titled, "Who am I?"
And in the past few months, I have been asking myself this same question. In the face of adversity, many times we question the very core of who we are. What we once thought is no longer, the mirror image we had of ourselves now fogged by tough times, questions about life, and ghosts of the past running to catch up with us.

Dealing with this fog has been probably one of the most difficult things I've ever faced. Any of you that have read my blog (the whopping 4 of you out there!) know that I have faced worse or claimed as such. And you're probably thinking, "NOW what?" What I'm faced with now is a day in and day out battle of the mind. Never in my life have thoughts attempted to overtake every part of who I am. They interrupt my day at work, disrupt the flow of positive thinking that was once a part of who I am, and keep me from dealing with every day stresses in a normal way.

What in the heck is getting my goat? Well, many in my family know the difficulty I have had with dealing these past couple of years with a panic disorder and my attempt to get the attacks under control. Through counseling and a lot of prayer, these attacks are now a rare occurance, praise God. What remains are the leftovers of things to still yet deal with--abuse endured as a very young teen, bad self image, etc.

And as these last frustrating pieces of my brain get dealt with...I'll keep the blog updated with the process. Now, I don't feel as if I'm gonna be "perfectly aware and in control" one day...don't get me wrong. But I have to get to the place where the past is the past and I'm living in the present with a clear mind in God's hands.