Hello, my name is Amanda.

And I am a sugar addict.

So, it took me 29 years to figure this out. While
chomping down on an Almond Joy this afternoon on the way back
from Wal-Mart, I stopped for a second to think. Ironically,
it happened after my daughter, pointing to my candy bar said,
"I wan sah!!" (I want some) I thought, 'No, she can't have this....
too much sugar...' Now, I know most of you are thinking (like I did)..
"then why are you eating it???"

Exactly.

Next, I took stock of what I had eaten since I had woke
up that morning. Bowl of cereal (slightly sweetened kind),
two pieces of chocolate, and now an Almond Joy bar.
And it was only 11am!!

Is this the same woman who wouldn't let her daughter have cake and ice
cream until her first birthday???? yeah...geez, so I guess my mentality
is, I can have it, but she can't. Why the hypocrisy?? That, my friends,
took a few more stop lights time on the way home.

To put it simply, I don't want her to have the kind
of life and body that I currently have. Now, I have never thought
this while denying her sugary items....but as I delved into my hypocrisy
I realized that I was protecting her from the same thing that is ruining
my body. I don't want her to have the kind of life where she is battling
being overweight/practically obese and having a bad lifestyle.
And if my daughter is anything like me, she will point out that
hypocrisy as soon as she learns to pull up those smart-mouth-genetical-genes
I have so wisely given her in my genetic makeup.

Honestly, I was taught how to eat well from my mother and I guess somewhere
along the lines of being an independent 20-something..I've lost it. Lost it so
badly that at the beach house last week in North Carolina, I did something that
I haven't done willingly in a year or so.

I stepped on a scale. The verdict?
210 , AHEM, yes, 2-1-0 pounds
Yes, folks, I have put my actual weight on public display.

So, here I am. And I kind of have a sick, twisted, yet wonderful ability
to look outside of myself and see the kind of life I could have if I made
healthier choices. I don't know what keeps me behind those lines, but I HAVE to step over them to a new way of life. I can honestly feel my body losing the battle--every day, and every new pound presents a new set of challenges. I now have occasional back pain, acid reflux, and a hard time breathing while climbing stairs and the occasional walk to the fridge for ice cream.

Good Lord, what do I do now? Well, I know one thing...I'm definitely gonna
need His help to get out of this. LET THE DETOXIFICATION BEGIN.

"V-A-C-A-TION...we're gonna have a ball!!"

I'm on vacation.

(note: We already took two one-week "vacations" earlier this summer...but everybody knows that seeing family is never a true VACATION)

CORRECTION: I'm on a true vacation

Sunscreen, sand on my beachtowel, the taste of saltwater....its sooooo sweet. And not an agenda in sight. Man, do I love the beach. That's why I was totally stoked when my friend invited my daughter and I to her family's beachhouse in NC. So, three days after our arrival and with 4 days to go until the end of our trip...I feel very relaxed and am in the mood for perspective.

Man, I love the beach! (is there an echo in here??)...I really don't know what it is about it. The only other time I felt this way was when I worked in missions at the Grand Canyon for a summer during college. Every time I visited the rim of the canyon, I felt as if it looked different, new, fresh...and changed. Okay, so the Grand Canyon renewed daily? not really. But, I don't know..maybe its a matter of perspective.

The same is for the beach I think...but in a truer sense. It changes, new tide comes in, the old sand and shells wash away. A constant salty breeze and fresh air, now all I need is a few spa treatments and I'm golden.

My daughter is giving it the old college try with the sand and water. Her first conscious trip to the beach (going as a baby doesn't count in my book), I think katie was a bit put off by the vastness of the ocean and messiness of the sand. She couldn't believe the sand was sticking to her feet and as you know....that is inevitable here. So, first she got used to the sand, then walking on it, then the water (and how it roars toward her on the shore), and then today....I'm so proud...she went in the ocean and loved it!

She's such a hoot...she didn't like the sticky sand, the little bit of water that came to shore where we were...but standing twenty feet out with Mommy letting waves crash into us?....she loved it! so funny...

Being here causes me to think about so many things...too many. I have to take them one at a time and let them roll in, change the shore, then roll out...so to speak. Sorry to use the cheezy beachside metaphor. I need to take time for myself, but I'm wondering how? I think, for starters, I'm gonna sit on the beach later during sunset and ponder what's coming onshore. till then...