Welcome to Flashback City

...and not a map in sight.
Dangit, I hate it when this happens.
How am I supposed to know where I'm going?
How am I going to get out of here?
Hmmmm...maybe if I just retrace my steps....
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Yeah, don't you hate it when that happens. Life
is going along fine, then BAM-a not so nice remembrance of the past comes creeping along...and without an invitation.
HOW RUDE!

Well, for those of you who have lived a pretty nice existence...
congratulations!!....you're a freak.
Now, for the rest of us--let's take a trip shall we...a trip
without road maps where memory holds the only key.

Man, do I hate flashbacks....I'm talking: it wasn't your fault, someone
was an idiot and yet, you have the memory that walks with you. On one
hand though, I am pretty lucky. At least, that's what a counselor
in college told me. I would have to agree with him...I live a normal
life, and some people who have had problems in the past can't even function.
I mean, they are either abusers themself, crack holding, no job having, not able
to live a normal life type of people. And I guess some hide it-while trying
desperately to "show" a normal existence.

I really am lucky. The question lies, however, in this blog's beginning. What do you do when you drive in Flashback city without a road map in sight??? Now, if its something from the past that obviously won't happen again....I think those are the lucky ones to be honest. The difficulty lies in when the abuse happened in ordinary existences which were taken entirely too far. Such as, someone who had an "extra" good time at Christmas with more than his fare share of the nog. Or, when a person
takes his anger and his words way, way, way too far and decides to inflict their pain
onto another person....because remember, misery does indeed love company.

So, that person is gone...but then aren't there other people who at times
take their anger too far? Sure..but the problem is therein. Maybe its just
me, but I have a really hard time pushing those thoughts away when that
crap happens. And, so I go back there. Back to the same feelings, the same
anger of "why do I deserve this?", the same hurt, and almost the same tears.

But, I'm here with a new reality. A reality of "I really didn't deserve it" and
a place of "okay, it happened, but its not going to rule my life". Thanks to God.
And, so I back up--retracing my steps, so as to remind myself of the present person that I am. And also, the reality that I'm currently in while drying my tears of the past that sting my eyes in this present.

So, in short, I hate Flashback City. Its like that party you have to go to, but you know you will not have a good time and you're going to do someone a favor. It sucks. It really, really does. Maybe God is using it to humble me, I don't know. Definitely something I will ask Him when I get home.

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P.S: I know that this posting was a little disfunctional and maybe
at times did not connect thoughts whatsoever....thanks for
hanging with me :)